Newborn Baby, newborn Mom:

After 56 hours of labor, I finally got to meet the little being I'd wondered about for so many months.  Audrey looked right into my tired eyes with her big, alert, blue ones, crawled up my belly to nurse - - and really hasn't stopped since!!!  It's a good thing that I'd read a few Attachment Parenting books before her birth which set my expectations that parenting an infant was truly a 24x7 task, because this little baby was literally attached to me.  For the first two months, she nursed every hour, for about an hour, except during sleep times when I might get a three to four hour break - well, from nursing anyway, as putting her down generally resulted in inconsolable crying.

Nipple confusion?  Never happened - she knew exactly what nipple she wanted - mine, never a bottle, never even a pacifier.  It is amazing how heavy a 7 1/2 lb. and growing baby can be when you have to hold them in one position for an hour at a time.  Even with sore nipples, arm and back muscles on fire, and barely enough sleep to keep me on the edge of sanity, I was Mommy to the cutest, sweetest baby in the whole world who was thriving on nourishment from my own amazing body.  Gentle Reader, I was happy. 

Things to do while nursing - the early days:

Enter the Greek Chorus: 

There is a literary and theatric device many of you may be familiar with called the Greek Chorus where a narrator of sorts presents summary information or societal commentary to help you follow the story.  While this analogy may not fit the circumstances exactly, in those early Mommy-and-Baby days I envisioned our little family as the center stage with everyone else outside of the main action.

My Greek Chorus came from different sources, but all had the same negatively couched inquiries and advice.  Having been in the minority of general public opinion on almost every subject for forty-odd years, it should have come as no surprise when my natural inclinations as to baby-birthin' and child rearin' also fell into the 'alternative lifestyle' category.  Yet somehow, I still managed to be quite shocked at some comments that came my way.

Not wanting to alienate the Chorus, (many of which were family members), yet not wanting to overly justify myself, (sounds like an apology) I generally smiled and said thanks for the concern at the time, while construing "I wish I could" answers in my head.  I am sharing them "out loud" for the first time here.

Newborn to six months:

"Don't pick her up right away - you'll spoil her" Okay, so going along those lines, the next time you call me with some emotional crisis, I'll just tell you I don't have time right now...oh, that's not okay? 

"She's manipulating you by crying"  Wow, fooled by a devious infant, I guess I've got egg on my face, don't I?   

"You're going to breastfeed here?" Yes, here is where my baby and my breast are, so yes, I am going to breastfeed here.

"Why don't you give her some formula?" Why don't you eat processed food when you can eat whole foods?  Oh, my mistake, don't interrupt chewing your HoHo to answer.

"You're still nursing?" Yes, shockingly, I don't want my four-month old baby who adamantly refuses a bottle to go hungry. 

 Militant Breastfeeding Mom:

After a few months of getting used to the ebb and flow of things, seeing my baby thrive, and realizing how breastmilk is the ultimate convenience food, I was all about nursing!!  In that critical first year, I couldn't help but compare Audrey's robust health to that of the formula-fed babies I knew.  Audrey did and does get ill, but colds are gone in a few days and she tolerates fevers remarkably well.  I hold back any judgmental commentary, but feel heartsick for those poor little bottle babies.

Things that are tough but not impossible to do while nursing (after you realize the baby isn't going to break):

Back to work:

I returned to working full time when Audrey was 3 months old.  Luckily, the company my husband and I both work for allowed us each to work from home a few days a week and provided a lactation facility for the days onsite.  At the time, I lived four minutes from where I worked, so went home a few times a day to nurse on the days my husband watched her.  My co-workers still talk about that time when I was merely a blur - always running either to pump, go home to nurse, or run a few needed errands as well as trying to fit in something that could be construed as a workday.

 My husband, bless his heart, tried really hard to give Audrey a bottle to no avail.  She wanted Mommy.  Ultimately what worked at around 5-6 months was a sippy cup.  Oddly, today she is fascinated by all baby paraphenalia and her favorite activity is to give her baby dolls bottles!

Return of the Greek Chorus:

Six months to a year:

"She still sleeps with you?  Just let her cry - she'll eventually fall asleep in her crib."  And become a sociopath who can't understand that other people have feelings because hers were never responded to?  No thanks. 

"You're still nursing?" (Increasingly quizzical look.)  You still haven't read the book I've given you that explains why breastfeeding is the best thing you can do for your baby?  Since you're so concerned, I felt sure you would have read it by now...

Multi-tasking:

One night I was oncall for my job as a database administrator and a major problem occured at around nine o'clock at night.  Audrey was just asleep so I managed to crawl out of bed as my husband hands me the phone.  I had to call a (male) co-worker for further support and while going back and forth with ideas to resolve the problem, I hear the plaintive cries of my beloved offspring. 

I rapidly assessed the situation.  My co-worker was on a major rant, so I snuck upstairs, inserted my breast into the babies mouth with the phone still to my ear.  My rather large cat Simon decided that this was a great time to get some attention too, so he leaps on the bed, and begins nuzzling whatever body part wasn't wrapped in baby.  Audrey starts making wake-up noises so I used my foot (animal lovers - it was my only free appendage at the time!) to try and gently move the cat away while nursing and making appropriate um-hum sounds to co-worker.

Managed to move cat to end of bed, nurse angel to sleep and slip back downstairs to the resume work and my end of the conversation while thanking the technology gods profusely for not making video phones standard in all households. 

Multi-tasking 2:

I am not sure what planetary alignment is responsible for this but each and every time I was working from home and on a conference call, Audrey had to poop.  Imagine being on the other end of this conversation when I pressed Speaker instead of Mute on my phone.  "Oh, Audrey you such a wittle stinky baby.  Let mommy clean you all up, you little poop-adoo, Mommy's little, wittle pooper.  Here's a nice, clean diaper-dipe." You get the idea - the general chatter of Mom to Babe that makes those not in this little clique of two quite nauseous.  Just my luck, the phones in the conference rooms at work are brand new and quite high-tech so not a word or smarmy moment was lost. 

The unwelcome return of an old friend:

A blustery day shortly after the New Year harkened the return of a familiar friend after almost two years of absence.  I can't say I missed this friend much, but there you go - life doesn't always conform to your wants and needs.  Much to my dismay - voila - there it was - my period.  There is something very odd about having your period while nursing.  Metaphysically, the energy of your period goes down while that of nursing goes up.  In the midst of this busy crossroads of fluid exchange, somehow you are left thirsty and spent. 

As I insert breast pads into my bra, a tampon into my vagina and a pad into my underwear (because since I've given birth my periods are quite, um, volumnous and I can no longer trust a tampon alone) I wonder how my Victorian sisters managed to stem the flow of bodily fluids what with the corsets, long skirts and lack of flush toilets.  At 2, Audrey, who still has a penchant to be at my side no matter what the circumstances, now asks, "Mommy, is that your diaper?" Yes, honey, yes it is. 

The Greek Chorus gains momentum:

After breastfeeding continued into the second and now third year, the Greek Chorus began to get downright rude. I can only excuse their commentary by remembering that they are working on a compendium of guilt for not breastfeeding their own children, and do seem genuinely averse to the process, (no doubt due to a good ol' dose of brainwashing by our pro-pharma culture).  Now however, my responses are not always so circumspect.

 "How do you know she wants milk when she cries?"  Hell, I don't know!  All I know is that when I Nipple A into Mouth B, I have a quiet baby.  Answered definitively at 15 months in the middle of the night when offered a cuddle instead of a breast, "Mommy...Milk!"  Good enough for me.

"She won't remember that you let her cry it out"  I'll remember.  (And really, the body remembers all, so - not an option).

"You're still nursing? Aren't you doing it more for you than for her at this point."  Really?  (Now I have the increasingly quizzical look).  Because, what, you think I get off on it or something?  You're serious, right?  Have you read that book yet?  Is this a trick question?

I hope I don't see you on Oprah defending nursing an eight year old.  Hah! In truth, I hope I don't either...!

 The Greek Chorus Fades:

 Lately, when people make comment, they are subliminated into background noise more easily as I have confidence born of experience and hard evidence in the form of my healthy, happy two-and-a-half year old. In the beginning, it's all so new and you tend to over think things.  These days, I trust my instincts as a mother and take joy in seeing how responsive my little girl is to other peoples feelings.  The other day Audrey's 3-months younger cousin was visibly upset when her father had to leave briefly.  Audrey hugged her and said, "It's okay, I understand.  Your Daddy will be back soon."  I was proud of her compassionate response and took satisfaction in having allowed her own natural good instincts to blossom.

These days, I concentrate on the positive commentary I receive about Audrey, (which, surprisingly can be from the same source, in the same conversation, as the negative comments!):

 "Audrey is so affectionate!"  I imagine that like all of us, she treats others the way she is treated.

"Wow, you two have such a bond!"  Yes, spending every possible waking and sleeping moment together will do that!

"Audrey is so even-tempered!"  Anyone whose true needs are met will tend to meet the world on those terms.