The Frog, the Snake and the Ego

Delving deeply into inner space, focusing internally my mantra, I feel my breath slow and smooth as I enter into a peaceful, yet alert state. Then, seemingly out of nowhere it happens - a recent concern or the memory of a long past event slips in and wrests my consciousness from delicious quietness into an unsought, negative emotion. Used to these intrusions, I can often let the thought and accompanying emotion flow past to be taken care of at a later time. On occasion however, the emotion is a strong one and not so easily put aside. It's as if I go from being an observer of a horse in a field to becoming the rider of a bucking bronco in a matter of seconds! When this happens, I know that regardless of my intentions, this emotion is now my yoga practice and I can begin the sometimes lengthy process of figuring out what is at the root of the turbulence.

As you may guess from your own experience, this type of identification with negative emotions doesn't only happen when meditating but at less convenient times during the day when you may not have the heightened awareness to understand the disturbance. This can lead to unhelpful behavior such as over-eating or drinking, over-spending or over-reacting to situations or people unrelated to the root cause of the emotion, potentially causing further problems. When we are in the moment of worry, anger or sadness, it's not easy to remember that these emotions are there to let us know that some part of us needs to be taken good care of and right now!! It is a transformative moment when we can pull ourselves away from the emotion at its full strength and honor it as the next step rather than as an inconvenience. 

So, we've uncovered a negative emotion, managed by our willpower to withdraw our identification with the emotion so it is not all-consuming. Our next step is to be rigorously honest with ourselves and figure out exactly what emotion we are feeling. For example, sometimes anger may have sadness or fear at its root. We may have learned anger as a defensive measure when we were children and anger left us feeling more in control of our environment than did sadness or fear. Often identifying the root emotion allows us then to feel the sadness or fear and we don't have a need to react with anger. 

While some might be satisfied at this point, as spiritual seekers we should next try to link the negative emotion to a klesha or affliction of the mind. The kleshas are Avidya (Ignorance of our true nature), Asmita (identification with Ego), Raga (Attraction and Aversion), Dvesha (Attachment), and Abhinivesha (Fear of Death)*. Unless we are enlightened, some or all of the kleshas are always in operation.

A few weeks ago, I was hiking in Valley Forge Park, enjoying a rare hour of time alone, when I heard a rustling in the foliage by the side of the path. Looking more closely I see a foot-long, inch-wide snake in the midst of swallowing a tennis-ball sized frog. The frog was clearly still alive, croaking, eyes moving, but half of his body was in the snake. I was both horrified and fascinated (attraction/aversion). I felt the emotion of sadness for the frog (attachment), but didn't know how to respond to this this oft-repeated scene in nature (ignorance). In my mind I went quickly through my options. I could use a stick or other means to try and get the snake to let the frog go, but the frog was half-way gone and I wasn't sure that it would survive even if it was let go at this point (fear, attachment). Also, why did I automatically take the side of the frog over the snake (attraction/aversion), who was merely acting on his natural instincts for survival? After all, it was only by happenstance that I was witness to this scene - was I bound to act at all (ego)? How was I to respond to this living koan (spiritual riddle)?

On a symbolic level, both a frog and a snake represent transformation, the natural state of the world. The longer I gazed upon this sacrificial scene, the less my role as witness seemed accidental. I found myself praying with a peaceful heart, for the frog, for the snake, for myself, for the world and all its creatures – there was nothing left to be done.

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* The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, (2.3, 2.4-2.9) contain further explanation of the kleshas.