Who am "I"?
Did you ever have the experience of using the word "I" to state how you feel or how you would act, and then do exactly the opposite? For example, the statement "I am going on a diet" may be followed by a food-fest, or the "I" that says they will quit smoking may not have the agreement of another internal "I" who has no intention of stopping? This can create an inconsistent experience for us both internally and externally for those who are in our lives, as we find ourselves procrastinating or not living up to our word.
While the quest for identity can take a lifetime and is complex and personal, looking at a high-level model can call attention to a potential problem before it manifests, or let us know where to begin placing our efforts for the next time.
A Taoist concept makes it easy to connect with the numerous internal voices to which we listen by referring to our three intelligences - the head brain, the heart brain and the stomach brain. Frequently our logical intellect or “head” will make decisions to act that we find ourselves unable to carry out because we lack the will power or “stomach” for the job. We also “follow our heart” at times without checking in with logical reality. It is no accident that there is much language around these areas. Feeling “heartsick” or not being able to “stomach” someone are very real experiences.
Before you dismiss the “three-brain” concept as just a metaphor, consider the research of Michael Gershon, PhD, in his 1999 work The Second Brain. Gershon shows that an independent network of over 100 billion neurons exist in the digestive tract along with 95% of the body's serotonin and other neurotransmitters found in the central brain (1).
There is further evidence that the heart also has an inherent intelligence as found in research by the HeartMath Research Center, whose investigation into the function of the heart has demonstrated that “The heart is, in fact, a highly complex, self-organized information processing center with its own functional "brain" that communicates with and influences the cranial brain via the nervous system, hormonal system and other pathways (2).”
Acting with the concordance of all three brains gives great power and authenticity to your words and to your life. So, how do we get from the scattered and ineffectual "I's" to the powerful "I" whose words are true and whose actions support those words?
We can start by acknowledging that we sometimes do have inconsistencies between our words and actions. Most of us can recognize this tendency fairly easily, and may even joke about it when it comes to things like going on a diet or exercising. In other cases, it may take a little disciplined introspection to bring it to light as we humans are masters at hiding unpleasant tendencies from our conscious mind. Meditating on a situation that did not turn out well for us may unearth this issue.
The next step is to look at specific situations where this has happened to find out what part of you was reluctant to sign-up with the rest. Perhaps you are inspired by an idea for a project but unable to get it off the ground. This is accompanied by a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach indicating disconnectedness between the idea and the will of the ego to move it into reality.
Next, we must find why the ‘disconnect’ is happening. In our example above, it could be that while the mind is telling you it's got it all figured out; the stomach knows that it's in for some tough times ahead as it has issues that need to be worked through before being the kind of person who can implement the idea in a clear way.
Once an issue has been uncovered, the challenge is to transform any negative emotions to be able to act with your full power. In some cases, knowledge of a tendency is enough to rise above it; for others, we must go still deeper. The Taoists might recommend using the Inner Smile and Healing Sounds to traverse the depths and begin the transformative process while Yogis might suggest looking deeply at the kleshas and using mantra to transform negative patterns. The approach is, perhaps, not as important as the desire and persistence to keep up the process of discovery. It is the unified “I” who is prepared to act, love, and discover their original nature.
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(1) http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=PTO-19990501-000013 Retrieved from http://cms.psychologytoday.com/pto/home.php on 3/18/2005.
(2) http://www.heartmath.org/research/science-of-the-heart/soh_3.html Retrieved from www.heartmath.org on 3/20/2005.
Chia, Mantak, Taoist Ways to Transform Stress into Vitality: The Inner Smile; Six Healing Sounds, Healing Dao Books, 1991.
Gurdjieff, G.I., Life is real only then, when ‘I am.’ Viking Arkana, 1999.